Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
