you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
