sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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