Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
