Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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