So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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