I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
