I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
