She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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