Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
