the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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