I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
