Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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