Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
