What did we do last night that was yellow?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
