his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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