u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
