doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
