pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
