I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
