The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
