we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
