I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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