Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
