We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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