Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
