theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
