The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
