Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
