I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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