you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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