Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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