Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
