I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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