I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
