You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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