can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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