does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
