I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
