Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
