how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
