I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
