i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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