Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
No stitches, just platelets and will power
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
