Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
