Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
