I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
