you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
