I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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