With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
