so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
