I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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