He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
