dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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