He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
