My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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