Soap is not a condiment
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
