if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
