I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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