Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Small penises have feelings too.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
