No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
