"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
