The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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