Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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