I like my sex mixed with concussions.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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